The Chinese Are Cooking Red Pulao in Mumbai

Before we get to the Chinese, let’s quickly run through a fragment of code.

if (you are from South India)
{
    if (you find yourself in Mumbai)
    {
        for (i = 1; i < = Infinity; i++)
        {
            read_aloud ("I will not order Pulao");
        }
    }
}

Especially if you are from Karnataka, rerun the above code fragment with this alternate string: “I will not order Pulao no matter how Pulao-starved I am.” Break this promise at your own risk.

The Pulao out here sucks! Tawa Pulao, That Pulao, This Pulao – you can find a whole gamut of Pulaos on the menu. Eat one spoonful and you go “Eeeeeks! Screeeeech! Yuckkkkk!” Have you ever eaten sweet-to-taste oil-coated Pulao mixed with cubes of paneer and grapes? I have. And I have lived to tell this story. The ultimate insult to Pulao happened today at Hotel ShivSagar (near Juhu beach) where we desperately ordered a plate of Pulao to satisfy three hungry stomachs (Vinayak’s, Vishu’s, and mine). Imagine our shock when the waiter tells us, “Sir, aapko red Pulao milega. Chinese style hain.”

Wow! What’s that my good man? Red Pulao? Chinese? Since when did the Chinese resort to cooking and eating Pulao? And even if they did, why in heaven’s name would they color it red? And why is Hotel ShivSagar employing these red-Pulao making Chinese? My mind is overwhelmed by these questions.

Coming to the topic of Chinese food, I have many a tale to tell from my days in Bangkok at the peak of the Bird Flu epidemic. Let me know if you’re interested in hearing these tales. I can guarantee one thing: you won’t be disappointed.